Friday, January 15, 2010

I would like to dedicate this song to my former middle school students

Dear former middle school chorus students,

HI. It's me. Your favorite chorus teacher ever.

I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate this song to you.

Please allow the words to wash over you and dig deep into the far recesses of your brains.

(notice that I am not even requiring you to take notes. You're very welcome).

If I were still your teacher you can bet your bottom dollar that you would be required to commit this song to memory, and would recite it to me often.

In my absence, I would like to gently remind you that your teachers (and most other reasonable humans) are incredibly uninterested in your choice or lack of choice of undergarment for any particular day.

Unlike some of your discernment-challenged peers, we do not find it interesting, cute, funny, sexy, cool, amazing, awesome, special, unique, hot, dope, bootylicious, sweet, bad, bad a**, crunk, da bomb, fa-sheezy, b*tchin', bangin', bumpin', or anything else.

For Alex and others of you who had pleaded with me countless times out in hall to no avail, I do understand that your pants may be too big, which is a whole other topic for a different day. You might be relieved to know that you do not have a 50 inch waist.

But as long as you insist on wearing pants 6 sizes too big, might I suggest a belt or any long, thin item that might serve useful in keeping your waistband near, well....waist?

I know that sounds very "old skool" but just give it a try. You might even enjoy the freedom that comes with not showing the world that your underwear is, in fact, the same underwear you've worn for the last 3 days.


No one really needs that information.

And especially not your teachers.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. H.