Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Hooters

What?


Now, listen. It's high time we reclaim the "hooters" for the rightful owners.


I'm not talking about people who are um, let's say real as opposed to fake.


Naturally, I'm talking about the owls. Duh.


So. Teenage boys who think you're being cute and thought you'd find something else by typing "hooters" into google... go read your bible.


And wash your mouth out with soap. It just feels like you should.


(can you tell I'm a mom who's been waiting to be able to say that?)


Or, better yet, go memorize a chapter of the bible and recite it back to your mother to regain your computer privileges.


That's what I had to do in the 8th grade to get my radio back after my mom found the lyrics to "Baby Got Back" in my pocket.


It was 1 Corinthians 13. I know it's about love. Love is patient and kind and doesn't envy or boast. Oh, and it keeps no record of wrongs. And it always encourages.

That's pretty good, right?


("I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brotha's can't deny, when a girl walks in with a itty-bitty waist and....you can do side bends or sit ups but please don't lose that butt...so Cosmo says you're fat, well I ain't down that cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin...." I need to stop.)


Uh oh, Momma. It didn't work.


I'm REAL sorry. Sir Mix A Lot sticks a lot. My brain just won't let it go.



(Also, in other related news, if you're name is Courtney and you're carrying a cute little baby in your belly named Nathaniel, you're not allowed to read this either.)


Now that I'm tired and have fond sentiments of large posteriors running amuck in my head.....


I just wanted to show ya'll these adorable owl cookies I made the other day. I'm helping put on a baby shower for my friend Courtney this weekend, and her theme is owls.


A. DORABLE.


These cookies will be put in cute, little baggies and handed out to guests as favors.


I was surprised at how simple these were to make. A few of them fell apart and we were, of course, forced to eat them on the spot, but other than that....easy-breezy.


Here's the recipe, but brace yourselves. I'm about to do that whole "channel Ree" thing and attempt to explain what I did.


Go get yourself a cup of coffee and a kleenex...because....oh, the beauty.


You start with a roll of sugar cookie dough. Divide it into thirds. Separate one third. (This does require some high level math guesstimation...don't feel bad. I'm challenged too.)


To that third, add 1/4 c flour. Knead until smooth.

To the other section, add 1/3 c cocoa powder. Knead until smooth.

Take the floured dough and roll out into a log about 1 inch thick and 10 inches long.

Here is where we get very advanced in the kitchen.

Go to your junk drawer. Pull out your husband's very yellow, industrial measuring tape.

(Fyi, if it's not yellow, it's not industrial enough.)


Lock that bad boy at 10 inches and that, my friends, is the only way a true culinary expert can be sure the log is indeed 10 inches.


You're precise and your husband is proud to know you. It's a win-win.


Then take the chocolate dough and, using your wicked measuring tape skills (if you're still here, teenage boys...that was for you), roll out into a rectangle that's about 10 inches long and 4 inches wide.

I've heard the men talk about things being 2 by 4.

Perhaps, 10 by 4 would be appropriate here. I'm not entirely sure.


Now we get really crazy. Place the 10 inch long roll ON TOP OF the 10 inch long rectangle.
(this picture makes me dizzy...I guess I was in the middle of my cartwheel when I took it.)


Roll the chocolate dough around the log and pinch the edges. Then gently roll to smooth out the seam until you have something that looks like this beauty.


I mean, what's not appetizing about a long... brown... log?

I feel sure there's a joke in there somewhere. Teenage boys?


Ok, wrap it up in plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 30 mins.

Then take it out and cut into 1/4 inch slices.

Lay two slices next to each other on a cookie sheet and make sure they're touching. I kinda pinched them together a little. I also decided to pinch little points on the top corners like this.

You can see where this is going now, right?


Take a whole cashew and press where the two slices meet.

If you're still trying to figure out what the heck this is, the cashew will be the beak.

Bake at 350 degrees for 8-11 mins. Let them cool. Then, using a dab of frosting, put M&Ms on for eyes.

See? It's an owl!!!

Now, go tell your friends that you have about 20 hooters in your kitchen!


And of course, be prepared to explain why you have a bunch of owls in your house.

Sure.

5 comments:

Sushi Girl said...

yummy I am hungry for cookies

Kelly said...

so very adorable!

nicole said...

Dana - You are so stinkin' funny!! And the cookies are adorable!!

court said...

they taste so good too!!!! i still cannot truly express the wonders of that baby shower! thank you dana so much for being a part of it!

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