Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Thoughts today

Today was emotional. I cried...and I don't really cry a lot. Not because I knew anybody directly connected to any of the attacks 6 years ago. I don't. I don't know anyone who knows anyone that was there. I think I try to ignore thoughts about death and tragedy because I'm scared of them. I don't want to think about it or deal with it so I just let it all pile up and then it comes spilling out.

So I was watching Oprah's show on the children and families of the 9/11 victims (I know, you can scold me). It was heart wretching. Watching little boys cry for their daddy and women ache to have their husband back. It was just too much so I thought reading Piper's article on it might help give me a more biblical perspective. It made it worse. He spoke truthfully about the guarantee of death (and great reward following) and I just couldn't handle it.

Josh called my cell and I answered in sobs. I couldn't really talk to him except to tell him that I was sad and I would be ok. When he got home we talked a little more and he gave me some good perspective.

I have struggled for awhile now with fear of death. Not necessarily mine but others close to me. I have to really fight this when Josh goes out for a gallon of milk or is late home from work....in fact, I nearly lost it yesterday when it was 6:30 and I hadn't heard from him. I was in the car headed to his school to find him when he called me. I had been doing a lot better with this until just recently. I think it comes in seasons. My fear is mainly of the pain and grieving and loss that comes with death. I have a horrible picture of what it would be like in my head. I haven't lived through it yet, but it's inevitable that I will.

This was part of Josh's point. Oprah can offer no hope. She cannot experience grief like a believer does because she doesn't have eternal hope. She can't offer that truth after the numerous stories of tremendous pain are told. She has nothing to say. The stories are told, we cry, they cry and the credits start rolling. The end. But it's not the end for us and I EASILY lose sight of that.

Then I read Piper's article through the lens of worldy grief (no hope) and get overwhelmed by the reality of death and am blind to the glorious hope to which we are called...."an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you..." I haven't yet walked through this kind of grief, and haven't personally experienced the hope, comfort and sweet, sufficient grace the Lord gives in those moments of great pain and loss. But I can know that He will be all that I need when I do.

I think I have already started grieving at one time or another the death of everyone really close to me. That is no way to enjoy the good gifts God has given me. So I will continue to ask the Lord to show me truth from His word and meditate on the promise of the gospel...my inheritance.

1 Thess 4:13...

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brother, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.