Monday, May 17, 2010

Group S

Well, it's about dang time. Thank you all for waiting at the very edge of your seats for this here extremely! exciting! update! of the 34.8 seconds I spent with the Pioneeress.

I also need to tell you that this post will, in all likely-hood, be the most anti-climatic thing you've ever read in your life.

Now that we all have normal and healthy expectations....because we all know I'm a picture of that....let's get on with it.

I went with my dear friend Kristin.

When we arrived, we had to get a ticket that told us which group we were in. They also told us that each group had about 20 people in it. We got a little lost (perhaps due to the fact that neither of us, in our excitement, had the foresight to get directions, bring our gps or even bother to remember the name of the bookstore), by the time we got there, we waited for about 20 minutes in line before they handed us our tickets.

(this was taken by Ree from the balcony)

"Group S" was written in red marker at the top. S! As in the NINETEENTH letter of the alphabet.

(I had to count the letters twice on my fingers, so I'm positive it was the NINETEENTH group.)

Oh, and there were also at least 2 VIP groups. Fortunately, there was a cute, little cafe in the store that was featuring some of Ree's dishes so we enjoyed a long, though lovely dinner at a very leisurely pace. Very. Did I mention we were in no rush at all?

One small perk was that from certain spots of the store you could look up and see Ree happily smiling and signing away at her little table on the balcony. Kristin may or may not have had to remind me that I looked crazy just standing there smiling at her while people shuffled around me.

I may or may not have made Kristin very nervous by threatening to bust through the velvet rope, past the 14 year old "security" boy, up the stairs...just to tell Ree "hi" and stare at her.

So, what do two girls do in a giant bookstore for more than 3 1/2 hours? Well, we try on hats, of course!

Ok, I tried on hats while Kristin was my paparazzi. She's a good friend like that. :)

"I don't know what to do with my hands."
(Cool points to whoever can name that Will Ferrell movie)

We take numerous pictures of each other and promise to not ever, ever post them on the internet...
(what's up with the Elvira bangs?)

(isn't she cute!)

We browse and pick out Mother's day cards until our feet hurt, then grab as many magazines as we can hold, find a corner near the sports section (not likely busy considering the clientele that evening), throw off our shoes and get comfy. We also field multiple phone calls from husbands asking, "Are you seriously still there?"

Finally, we hear our call and head upstairs. It was not unlike hearing the Hallelujah Chorus after sitting through Handel's Messiah forever.

(To any fellow music majors...I'm sorry, but it's just how I felt.)

And there she was.... still smiling.....after hours and hours of writing the same thing over and over for people who were weird and smelly and tried to secure their spot as her best friend in the time it took for her to sign their book.

And that, friends, is when I realized there was a very good possibility we were not twins. I would have dove over the balcony.

And then it was my turn. I had it all planned out. Kristin and I had rehearsed what I would say.

I would ask her to please sign my book "To my twin" because I had a silly little joke on my blog about how we were twins...and then I would somehow try to make her understand that I wasn't a freak who obsessed over her in a crazed, lunatic way (thus making her re-think her choice in security boys). I was simply a fan with a little joke.

I walked right up to her as bubbly (in a non-crazy way) as I could be, waved enthusiastically and said something like,

"Hi, Ree! Ok, I have a weird request. Would you mind signing my book 'To my twin?'
I have this obnoxious little joke on my blog about how we're twins because clearly we're not.
I can't really cook. Or do ballet."

"Oh, I don't think I can do ballet either anymore!"

(paused for a picture...then she looks at my hair and says,)

"And you're a brunette, and I'm a red-head."

"Right! I mean we're perfectly twins!"

(now if that's not the cheesed-up grin of a crazy lady, I don't know
what is)

And that was it. I waited for Kristin, we both said our goodbye's and left. That's just the life of my, decidedly, un-twin.


And really, I'm ok with it. Maybe the dream has ended. Maybe I'll never be like Ree, and she'll never be my "twin".


It could all be an act while she composes herself and figures out how she's going to handle this news. She'll take some time to decide how to address this turn of events in the press, and how we can finally be the long-lost sisters we never were. She was in shock upon meeting me and now she's processing....

And she can take all the time in the world because I have the truth to keep me warm at night.

And in her heart....

I really do believe....

she knows the truth too.....


Amy A. said...

You two are too much! I am so glad you got to go.

Kelly said...


I love how she called you out on the hair thing. SO funny.

How was the whole man-fearing thing going at this moment in your life? I think my head would have exploded. "Pleaselikemepleaselikeme."

Corey said...

This is such a funny post. I'm glad you finally got to meet her!

Meghann said...

You're a dork. My favorite dork...but still a dork. :)

Mama Llama said...

so stinking fun! so was your "dream" of her crushed, or was it worth it? Loved your play by play.

Mom said...

oh my goodness! You and your fantasies! I should know if you had a twin. I was there and knew you and nobody else before you were born! Love, Mom.

Your post is very funny, though. I think you should write a book...maybe titled Ramblings of a "Dork" as Meghann says. (I love you!)

Scotty and Lisa said...

I've been waiting to hear how it went! I'm a pretty big fan as well and kinda like to go to her blog just to drool over pictures of her food... How fun you got to meet her. Lucky (with Napoleon enthusiasm)!