The Undoing and a Shift

Have you ever experienced God obviously calling out your sin and bringing you gentle proof after proof of it? And then stringing together conversations and moments and readings about that very sin, and showing them to you one after another?

Here's the thing: I often don't love like a mom when I'm being a mom. I'm not always here when I'm physically here.


I'm distracted. They want to talk. I have an agenda that "needs" to get accomplished. They get in my way. (They need a lot.) Then there's facebook (and blogs). Oh, facebook. He has a dirty diaper and he needs help with his shoes. And the etsy shop. And the messy house. And they want me to build them a fort. And my expectations for the day. And they want to eat ALL the time. (They need a lot.) And sometimes, I want to be anywhere but here.


Some days, I just drift.... and live inside my head....disconnected from the 2 eternal souls at my waist.


Enter this post called "What Housework is Really About." (And this one too. What can I say? The Lord was speaking loudly.)


And then this one called "Life with Little People Part 1" and "Part 2."


Enter tears. Enter sobbing tears. Enter pulling each boy onto my lap and looking into their beautiful blue eyes. Enter tearful confessions to each sweet son. Enter the undoing. Enter precious forgiveness.


I want to want to be here. This. It's where He has graciously put me. I'm afraid I'll miss it.


It won't always be this, you know. The cuddle sessions, boo-boos that need kissing, snacks and juice, boy games and blanket forts, rhyming and opposites, tickles and knee pinchers, first questions about the essence of God and Jesus and us, shoe tying and teeth brushing, training and instruction, chore charts and vivid imaginations, little boy laughter.

Even all the picking up and wiping down and gluing back and putting away.


I feel the undoing happening to me. Acknowledging. Releasing. Letting go.


Coming back to here.


This.