Thursday, May 21, 2009


This is an excerpt from my journal on April 27th:

What an emotional day, Father! The Rescue event this past Saturday that continues for the children of war-torn Uganda; the orphanages in India where rows and rows of babies lay in their cribs unnamed because they die so young; M and L who just posted beautiful, precious pictures of their little J; J who was only in their arms for 5 hours because You took him to be with You; A who only held her AC for 2 hours before You took her; A who only held S for a few hours before you took her.

It's a lot to take, Lord. I know we are called to mourn with those who mourn, but is that all I can do, Lord? My heart feels torn open for these precious lives and I feel helpless to do anything.

And right now I'm distracted by....the "right answers" -- this happens because of sin, we're called to bear each other's burdens, etc....And at the end of the day I will end up knowing the truth, but when my heart feels ripped open at the pain and brokenness and fallenness of this world I just want to scream out, "WHY, LORD?!? WHY THE CHILDREN?!?"

But I do know a few things today:

--It makes me long for my home, and jerks my heart back into the reality that this place so filled with pain and death and suffering is not my home.

--I makes me sit at the edge of my seat, ready to sprint toward the call God puts in front of me; the hurting and the needy. I want to go! Send me, Lord!

--It reminds of Your promise to heal this earth, to make it new and to restore the years the locusts have eaten. It will be redeemed! All of it. Our suffering is not lost on You. It is only a means and, though the pain is real, it is worth it -- the reward will be far greater than the pain. You proved that to us on the cross.

So, Lord, speak to our hearts. Use our lives. Don't let them be wasted. Help me to use my days now, as a young mom with 2 little boys -- may my time spent feeding and disciplining and diapering and counting and tickling and kissing and reading and tucking in and cuddling be used to bring You great honor and glory.

In the month since this entry God has been speaking more clearly than I've heard Him in a long time. It's been a sweet, sweet season....and very exciting! He is confirming over and over that He hears, and that He has big plans! I can't wait to share more in the future! Please pray for direction and sensitivity for us as we continue to listen...that our hearts would line up with His and each other's.