Sacred

A friend of mine posted this on facebook and oh, how it spoke to my weary heart. I needed this little nugget of grace as I wonder through the thick of this whole parenting thing. I OFTEN forget (and complain) that the two cute little boys that can absolutely drive me crazy are souls...and they are sacred.

In fact, each day filled with training, refilling sippy cups, saying no to constant requests for snacks, dishes, laundry, putting together puzzles and train tracks, scrubbing up spilled soup and coffee out of the carpet, disciplining, instructing on kindness and respect and obedience, figuring out the best schedule, getting through the hours between nap time and dinner time.... it's all sacred.

Could it be that while I dream of having a life of purpose like a missionary, a social justice advocate, a non-profit starter, a soup kitchen organizer, a refuge for all who hurt and are needy - oh how I do, and by God's grace will never stop - that the purpose I've dreamed of having..."has been right before my eyes..."

Lord, that I would "run to You like they run to me for every little thing."

SACRED

(Caedmon's Call)


this house is a good mess
it’s the proof of life
no way would I trade jobs
but it don’t pay overtime

I’ll get to the laundry
I don’t know when
I’m saying a prayer tonight
cause tomorrow it starts again

could it be that everything is sacred?
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

the children are sleeping
but they’re running through my mind
the sun makes them happy
and the music makes them unwind

my cup runneth over
and I worry about the stain
teach me to run to You
like they run to me for every little thing

when I forget to drink from you
I can feel the banks harden
Lord, make me like a stream
to feed the garden

wake up, little sleeper
the Lord, God Almighty
made your Mama keeper
so rise and shine
rise and shine cause

everything is sacred
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

pretty much one of the most interesting things I've ever read

MckMama tweeted about her husband hitting a deer...and then TAKING IT TO THE BUTCHER!.

She said that a bunch of other people had told her there were waiting lists in their states for deer road kill. EXCUSE ME?!?!?

So, being brought up shooting rifles, pistols, bow and arrow and then refilling our bullet shells...

(don't judge me, ya'll...it was my daddy's fault. I was only 8.)

...I had to find out for myself if this was indeed true and what is really happening to those poor, unrecognizable heaps I'm always swerving to miss on I85.

Prepare your hearts, friends.

I doubt you've ever been in the presence of a conversation like this.

"ain't no law in NY bout that all you do is call a trooper he tags it ask if you want the deer then go to the store and buy some Stove Top Stuffin and you got some serious eatin's. Bon appetites"


I'm speechless.

Knots...UPDATED

My stomach has been in knots this morning. I don't even know this kid, but have read his mom's blog (along with thousands of others and maybe you too) for awhile now. As we speak, he is being prepped for very risky heart surgery. He's one month younger than Manny...barely a year old.

We knew this day would eventually come for him, and I'm just pleading with the Lord to heal this precious cutie that has won his way into so many hearts. But, more importantly, that God would glorify Himself mightily in his little life...whatever happens.

Please pray for Stellan and his family today.

*Update: It's 1:58 and Stellan went into surgery about an hour ago, and it looks like the surgery will take at least a couple hours. He was very unstable when he went in. He needs prayer.

It's November 20th...oops. Stellan came through surgery like a champ and the procedure was 100% successful!!! They are now home and you can read more about this amazing miracle on his mom's blog. I love being able to tell Isaiah that God healed the little boy's heart we prayed for!!! Praise God!!!

Aw Shucks

I am so grateful to be part of a church small group that loves to have fun together. Our little group is made up of our family, Terrance and Courtney (and little boy C in the oven), Keli and Caroline. We all are or have been teachers. We all live in the same area. After that, we're a pretty diverse group, which I LOVE. We're the newbies, but they have taken us in (and all our issues) with wide open arms...as if we've been there the whole time.

So, today we all (minus Terrance who had to work) went to Aw Shucks pumpkin patch and corn maze. Isaiah and Manny (and me, if we're being honest) each had their own things to overcome through the day, but all in all we had a lot of fun! The girls were so patient and helpful.

We walked through the (tiny and sad) pumpkin patch, made our way through a corn maze that looked like the Lowe's Motor Speedway logo in record time, took a hay ride, ate hotdogs, checked out the little general store, fed sheep, pet goats, gobbled at turkeys and Isaiah rode a pony. And the weather was BEAUTIFUL!

Manny, Caroline and Courtney

The General Store with an inflatable turkey
(I should let my neighbors know they make one)

The Pumpkin House

Just plain cool.

Keli!

In little boy dream land.

Seriously? You call this a pumpkin?
(yeah, November is too late to get big pumpkins at
the patch)

Most of us were glad to be there.

Isaiah may have found his calling. He already talks like a red-neck...
to the point that almost all southerners who hear him laugh.
And now we know that this trait is matched perfectly with
how much he LOVED feeding those nasty, dirty, mangy sheep.
(not that people who feed sheep are red-necks. noooo.)

Huh?

The girls: Caroline, Me, Keli and Courtney (and little boy C).
They were troopers to come along with our clan!
The day did not come without it's fair share of pit stops,
wet pants, spilled drinks and meltdowns.

The ticket!

First pony ride! I walked the 1st lap with him, but he decided
he wanted to do the 2nd lap all by his big-boy-britches self.

Go to the movies tomorrow night!!!

Now, I know this isn't a high traffic area, BUT, in the off chance that you're reading this today or tomorrow AND you can arrange to have a few hours to yourself, I think this looks amazing!

I heard about it on the radio today, dug around a little online and decided it's blog worthy, if you will. :)

I don't listen to Hillsong United (though many of my students do at their churches), but I think they're about to make a bold statement on the social justice front....and you can see it in the theaters tomorrow, Wednesday, November 4th ONLY.

Here's the teaser.

Oh, and if you're local, it's showing in 2 theaters in the Charlotte area. One of them being Concord Mills AMC (insert happy dance) @ 7:30. I REALLY hope I get to see it! Let me know if you do.

My theme song...

This mommy thing has been overwhelming lately. Not really sure why it's all of a sudden catching up with me, but it has. Josh and I have been talking through this lately (because our marriage takes the biggest hit by far), and God had been working in my heart. I keep coming back to this Psalm over and over. It has more meaning and brings more relief to me now than it ever has.

Thank you, Father, for being my help.

I look to the hills!

Where will I find help?

It will come from the LORD,

who created the heavens

and the earth.

The LORD is your protector,

and he won’t go to sleep

or let you stumble.

The protector of Israel

doesn’t doze

or ever get drowsy.

The LORD is your protector,

there at your right side

to shade you from the sun.

You won’t be harmed

by the sun during the day

or by the moon at night.

The LORD will protect you

and keep you safe

from all dangers.

The LORD will protect you

now and always

wherever you go.

Psalm 121

(found the gorgeous pic here)

Dinner, a show and cute Ugandan kids

What: a really cool benefit concert to help bring beautiful Ugandan orphans into families.

Who: "Andy and the Andys" --Andy Gullahorn, Andrew Osenga, and Andrew Peterson
in a rare appearance together

Where: The Neighborhood Theater, Charlotte NC

When: October 17, 2009 8pm

And NOW you can bid on 3 pairs of Gold Circle tickets and a pre-show dinner with the band!

Go here to bid!

What we did Saturday...

And the end result...

"Declare His glory among the nations"
(Ps 96:3)

"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf
that we might become the righteousness of God in Him"
(2 Cor 5:21)

Matt Terry at Fu's is the awesome guy who worked really hard and long (Josh's took 4 hours, mine took a little than 1 hour) on these for us. He also has done 6 on one of my most absolute favorite people in the world, so he's definitely proven himself. And speaking of her, she traveled down from Raleigh to spend this weekend with us, sat with us for a VERY long time while we got them, helped pay for them and then took us out to dinner...and didn't get mad at me when I was in pain and mean. She's a good catch, that one.

So, all in all, the outline hurt like Hades. The color shading really didn't. It was expensive (well, Josh's), but we're both really, really happy with them. I think Josh's is one of the coolest ones I've ever seen and fits him completely. Matt told us it was really hard to design and do because everything had to be so clean and precise. He surprised me with the banner around mine. I really like the way it looks old and torn (I didn't know he would add that element). I want the globe to look more "old world" and faded, but he said it would fade more over time. I'm still just getting used to it. It's weird to see in the mirror. Both are healing really well.

I was really proud of Josh. He sat there patiently for over 4 hours while Meg and I played cards and talked about whatever came to our minds, all while snapping pictures randomly at him while he was in pain. He said it took him about an hour to get in "the zone."

(Apparently, there's a "zone." I never found it.)

Matt told us so much of it is mental. You have to focus on breathing and kinda hunker down and zone out. Yeah, that didn't work for me. I put my head down so no one could see my face and tightened every muscle in my body. When it was over I was shaky and sweaty. I guess I'm a pansy. I was really hoping for just the "annoying tickle" I kept hearing over and over. Parts of it felt like that, but the outline felt like what it was....a needle stabbing me over and over again at a very rapid speed. Go figure.

Anyways, we wanted to do something big for our 30th birthdays. Both of us have kinda been flirting with the idea of a tattoo for awhile, but never really talked much about it. We had planned on going sky diving, but decided on tattoos because a) it lasts longer, and b) you don't die. But neither of us would have gotten one just to get one. It had to be significant to both of us. Josh's is the gospel in one verse. He originally wanted it on his chest so he could see it every time he looked in the mirror (but, um...no), and mine was from Ps 96:3..."Declare His glory among the nations; His marvelous works among all the peoples." I cut it in half when he said it would take up my whole shoulder blade. Good. Call. Taking the gospel to the nations is a big deal to both of us so it was something I feel is significant enough to wear on my body forever.

Josh is talking about adding some kind of cool border around it later in the future. Maybe the reference at the bottom. I think I'm good for now. ;)

Confession and Assurance

This was in our bulletin at church yesterday. Adapted from Rev. Tod Loder's poem "Empty Me."


Gracious and Holy One, Creater of all things,
We come to you full of much that clutters and distracts us, stifles and burdens us, and makes us a burden to others.

Loving Father,
Empty us now of gnawing dissatisfactions, of anxious imaginings, of fretful preoccupations, of nagging prejudices, of old scores to settle, and of the arrogance of being right.

Eternal Son,
Empty us now of the way we unthinkingly think of ourselves as powerless, or as victims, predetermined by sex, age, race - as being less than we are or as being other than yours.

Sweet Holy Spirit,
Empty us of the disguises and lies in which we hide ourselves from other people and from our responsibility for our neighbors and the world.

Redeemer God,
Hollow out in us a space that you can fill with our transformed selves, peace, a whole heart, a forgiving spirit, holiness, and laughter. Fill us with yourself, we pray, for your sake, and the sake of the world.

(silence)

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your holy one see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasure at your right hand. (Ps 16:7-11)

Hard to believe

All in one short year....












Manny-Man, we LOVE you, son. You are living proof that God gives us precious, good gifts. It's hard to imagine our family without you. We pray that your little heart will be captivated by passionate love for our Saviour, and an unrelenting fight to bring Him great glory in your life. He loves you more than we ever could!

Happy Birthday, buddy! It was such a joy watching the first year of your sweet, sweet life.

Love,
Daddy and Mommy

Intercession for the monkey

I've been worried about Isaiah's lack of desire to pray. He normally just asks us to pray for him. Sometimes (though getting more and more frequent) he prays for his food by himself.

Well. All my worries were just washed away when I heard this piece of eloquence-without-measure coming from his bathroom. The room where discipline usually takes place as well. Apparently the monkey had a hard heart.



"Jesus, help us for the monkey to pray. And Jesus, help us for the monkey to share. In Jesus' name. Amen."

God is shouting

I have been absolutely itching to write this post. I kept waiting on fully complete thoughts and well polished execution, but....well....this is what you get instead. I can't wait any longer. I'm sure it will resemble a scrambled egg with bits and pieces everywhere (and by no means exhaustive), but this is the best I can do today. :)

I feel like, rather, I KNOW God had been speaking loudly to me. Shouting. I rarely feel like this. In fact, I usually am straining to hear Him above the other racket in my heart. This season is very different, and one of the ways I know this is because He's speaking to me from all over the place. It's a theme in my life. It's everywhere! His word, friends, blogs, books, etc.

Rather than try to articulate this myself, I'm going to let others who say it better.


First, let me say that I am LOVING this book! I had no idea it would become so popular when Amazon first recommended it to me, but it makes perfect sense. It's exciting to know that God is moving many other hearts in a similar way.

Here's part of what I last read in it. It captures a lot of this theme. He had just quoted 2 Cor 8:13-15 and then says...

"Paul was asking the Corinthian believers to give to the impoverished saints in Jerusalem, the goal being that no one would have too much or too little. This is pretty far-fetched in modern-day culture, where we are taught to look out for ourselves and are thus rewarded.

The gap is so extreme in our world that we have to take lightly passages such as Luke 12:33: 'Sell your possessions and give to the poor.' How else can I walk out of a mud shack and back into my two-thousand-square-foot house without doing anything? The concept of downsizing so that others might upgrade is biblical, beautiful... and nearly unheard of. We either close the gap or don't take the words of the Bible literally.

Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously. Dare to think about your own children living in poverty without enough to eat. Dare to believe that those really are your brothers and sisters in need."

Later he says...

" Back when I was in Bible college, a professor asked our class, 'What are you doing right now that requires faith?' That question affected me deeply because at the time I could think of nothing in my life that required faith. I probably wouldn't be living very differently if I didn't believe in God; my life was neither ordered nor affected by my faith like I had assumed it was."


Yesterday, Kelly posted about this post by Thabiti Anyabwile. It should break your heart and wake you up. If it doesn't, pray that it will. Pray that it takes the full effect in your life it deserves. I'm praying that too. He gets very much at the heart of what I think God is shouting to me after he paints the tragic picture he saw in South Africa of an entire generation of people dying out because of poverty and AIDS:


"I'm looking at this scene in Africa--and it could be in most any place in the world--and I just can't justify the idea that my only task as a Christian and a preacher is to preach the gospel. I can't justify the idea that if I only preach the gospel--which I must preach and treasure and guard--then I've been faithful even if I've not served the needs around me. When you're standing this close to the naked, brazen effects of sin and depravity, you realize that Christ's work of redemption is our only hope and that we need to act in that same hope.

Today's visit to one town reveals to me the betrayal it is to claim to be gospel people and not be merciful people."


How do we make this so separate and for so long? It's tragic!!!


I'm overwhelmed and sad that I've overlooked Jesus right in front of me...hungry, thirsty, hurt, naked, homeless... It saddens me that I've cried for the poor and needy at my computer screen, and that's where it ended.

I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,
I was a stranger and you did not invite me in,
I need clothes and you did not clothe me,
I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me...

I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of
the least of these, you did not do for me.
Mt 25: 42-43, 45

Chan asks a good question:

"We see it as a fresh perspective on poverty rather than a literal picture of impending judgement. How would my life change if I actually thought of each person I came in contact with as Christ--the person driving painfully slow in front of me, the checker at the grocery store who seems more interested in chatting than ringing up my items, the member of my own family with whom I can't seem to have a conversation and not get annoyed?"


But here's the other thing.... I really believe that while yes, giving is for the other person, it's for us too! I've been missing out. Joy is promised, treasure in Heaven, but better than it all, we get Jesus. I think this is going deeper than where we've been.

I've always been passionately convinced that when you go overseas, you see parts of who God is and what He's doing that you just can't see from where you're sitting. I really do believe that. But I think the same is true for sacrificial giving. It opens up something that was closed before. God gave us Jesus. I think giving brings deeper fellowship with the greatest Giver.

So right now, I'm struggling with the fleshing it out part. Josh and I need to brainstorm, dream and rethink our budget.

We need to repent. And ask for His help. We need Him to change us.


Can't wait to keep you updated.

Little Foxes

I'm really struggling with how to be a wife and a mom. I'm not doing so good, and there's plenty of proof. We're in the thick of this, and it's hard. Maybe the hardest thing our marriage has gone through.

Today it was just Manny and me in the house so I had some quiet for awhile. What came out of that time was journaling, tears and just crying out to the Lord for help.

After time with Him, He gently led me to read this article by Barbara Rainey. Oh, the little foxes! I don't know what you think of her, but I really needed it. It's practical, but it addressed this particular issue really well. It felt like medicine I badly needed.

In fact, I read multiple articles at Family Life. Like this one called "Stressed, Exhausted and Not in the Mood," and this one called, "5 Keys to Your Man's Inner Heart," and the one about "Reviving a Dimished Sex Drive."

(and aren't you glad you asked how I was doing in that area?)

I feel like the Lord used today to refresh me and start pulling me out of this funk. I know it's going to take a lot of work (Josh and Isaiah aren't even home yet), but I needed a good friend to sit me down and say, "It's normal. You're not crazy. I understand why you're tired. But you need to put Josh first in your family. The boys will be ok."

And I think that's what He did.



BTW, if you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear if you've been there before. I don't hear folks talking about it much, but I know it would encourage me to know others are with me. :)

Free Missions book!

I just got mine in the mail the other day, and can't wait to start reading it.

I LOVE that they're doing this!

Go here and get yours too (you don't even have to pay for shipping!)

Just for poops and giggles

My dear, dear friend who loves to laugh just sent me these quotes (which in turn made me laugh), so I thought I'd share. Some choice words used, but funny nontheless.....


-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the
complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead
of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you
have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm
gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area
thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on
Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends
with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You
take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem.
Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem?
There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out.
Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2
trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear
is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I
will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to
spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10
second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how
to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower
first and THEN turn on the water.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is
public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun
that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Bad decisions make good stories.

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably
just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and
say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know
my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when
you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the
rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have
to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die
after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want
to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make
any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but
when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd
you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone
of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't
already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like
about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know
what time it is.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if
you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Isaiah-isms today...

1. Got home from work today and had to discipline Isaiah. Later Isaiah comes to me....

I: I'm sorry, Mommy.

M: I forgive you, Isaiah. I don't like to spank you.

I: I don't like to spank you either.


2. Made cookies for Dee, Stacey and Karis. Isaiah had one and then begged for sweet forever to have another one. I say no....over and over and over. Isaiah cries some more, composes himself and walks up to me with his head tilted to one side and eyebrows raised as high as they would go.

I: Well, I gueeesss, when we get to Dee and Stacey's house we can have a cookie????


Nice try.


3. Driving home from Dee and Staceys....

I open the sunroof. Isaiah protests loudly and we discuss selfishness....again. I start to unravel.

M: Well, Isaiah, when you're a grown up and have your own car with your own sunroof, you can open and close it when you want to.

I: (mumbling) Well, I am growing.

M: That's right, you are, but right now you are a little boy.

I: But I am growing and I will become a grown up and then I will be in charge. And when I grow will you be a little sad?

Seriously? He really won't let that one little emotional slip-up go.


4. Came home and made pb and jelly for dinner (it was that kind of day)...

I: I got the jelly out for you, Mom.

M: Thank you.

I: You're welcome.

(walks into the living room and gets on the couch)

I'll be riiiiiight back. I need to take a little rest.

Excuse me???

5. 2 seconds later...

I: Ok, I'm back. I got a little rest.

M: (laughing) You crack me up.

(pause...watches me cut his sandwich into little triangles)

I: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Mom, you make me laugh!

Little Girl

I'm finding myself pretty inarticulate lately. Probably because there's more going on under the surface than my mouth (or fingers) can keep up with. I've been learning a lot about myself lately. More importantly, I've been learning a lot about God.

A more recent discovery is that my heart has really gotten far away from the understanding that God loves me. It sounds so trivial, so common, so "Sunday school" to me that I even hate to write it. "Of course He loves me," I would tell myself. It became a given. Posts like this were a bit redundant to me. I heard it all the time. Something I glazed over when I read it. Something I didn't ponder. Something even boring... bouncing off my heart like a ball.

Instead, I pursued what "seasoned" Christians do (of course I would never say that or talk as if God's love for me were reduced to a 2 year olds nursery class at church in my heart. I'm "seasoned."). I read and talked about what I deemed "deep" like theology issues, social justice issues, political issues, well respected authors and pastors, strategies for reaching unreached people groups, discipleship, the state of the church in America.

(Note: I am not falling off the wagon. These things are near and dear to my heart because God put them there. But He didn't put them there to be replaced by them.)

And, perhaps, the real issue was that I used those things to make me feel close to God. I used others' opinions of me (or whatever opinions I projected on them) to gauge where I stood in my ranks with the Lord. I watched what other believers did, read, talked about, and kinda decided that must be the standard for folks who are really passionate about the Lord. I'm still really struggling with this, so you're getting it pretty raw today.

I've known the Lord was uprooting some trends in my heart and mind when Josh and I left the Advance '09 conference, but God really used my interaction with Isaiah the other day to drive home what He wanted to say to me.

You can read the post below to know what I'm talking about. That pure, sweet, beautiful moment with him was more than just a Mommy loving her son. It was a Mommy who has forgotten that she's really a little girl. A little girl who had forgotten her Daddy wants to hold her. I had really, really forgotten that. He wouldn't let me forget Isaiah's little voice. It kept coming back to my mind over and over again..."Ok Mommy. But can you hold me?"

It finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I -- the one who feels so responsible for things happening around me all the time, who takes care of 2 little boys, who is a wife, who lives out on her own, who's turning 30, who teaches kids music, who talks to her friends about strollers and toddler personalities and what's for dinner -- I'm little.

(You are too, by the way)

I'm a little girl to Someone who longs to scoop me up and hold me like I'm almost 3 again. He wants me to be little....to need Him. He wants me to hold my arms up and half crawl into His lap waiting to be picked up like Isaiah does. He doesn't want me to not need Him, if that were possible...to think I've outgrown Him. It's crazy for me to think that this Daddy wants me to look up and say, "Ok Daddy. But can you hold me?" I can't remember the last time I felt that way about Him. It's amazing to feel little sometimes.

So yeah, there's been a lot of emotions floating around here lately. But it's been almost like once I got to that place...being little again, asking Him to hold me...we could finally get to work on the roots of all kinds of things. Lies that have sunk their roots deep. I hear Him speaking to those one by one. I don't feel alone in the process, though it's, like everything else, a daily struggle.

It was funny because I'm reading "Crazy Love" with my friend Corey, and I had read the chapter we met to discuss about a month prior. When we got together to discuss it the other night, I was revisiting what I had underlined and here's part of what it said:


"Thankfully, my relationship with God took a major turn when I became a father myself. After my oldest daughter was born, I began to see how wrong I was in my thinking about God. For the first time I got a taste of what I believe God feels toward us. I thought about my daughter often. I prayed for her while she slept at night. I showed her picture to anyone who would look. I wanted to give her the world.

Sometimes when I come home from work, my little girl greets me by running out to the driveway and jumping into my arms before I can even get out of the car. As you can imagine, driving home is one of my favorite moments of the day.

My own love and desire for my kids' love is so strong that it opened my eyes to how much God desires and loves us. My daughter's expression of love for me and her desire to be with me is the most amazing thing. Nothing compares to being truly, exuberantly wanted by your children.

Through this experience, I came to understand that my desire for my children is only a faint echo of God's great love for me and for every person He made. I am just an earthly, sinful father, and I love my kids so much it hurts. How could I not trust a heavenly, perfect Father who loves me infinitely more than I will ever love my kids?"

Still my little boy

Tonight, I was getting Isaiah ready for bed and explaining that when he wakes up in the morning he would be 3. I knew what would happen next because it's been building for at least a week now.

I started talking (through tears) about how it makes me a little sad when he gets older because he used to be my little baby and sometimes I miss that. He stared into my eyes very intently and said, "Mom, does it make you sad when I get taller? You're gonna be sad because I'm growing?"

I said yes, but that I was also very happy that he would be 3 and that he is growing. It's just that he was a baby one time and could fit in my arms and one day he wouldn't fit anymore.

He said, "Ok, Mom. But can you hold me?" And I scooped his little body up in my arms and tried not to let him hear me cry. I love that kid.




***While I was typing the beginning of this he was watching the screen and said, "Mom, can you do an "O"?" I wasn't even really listening when he piped up, "Oh thank you, Mommy for doing an "O"!" :)

Gettin' all misty and stuff....

Been thinking about this post a lot lately. What a beautiful gift to our family.

Just Love Coffee Roasters

Saw the words "coffee" and "adoption" together and joy inexpressible descended upon my soul.

It was at least something like that. Can't wait to see what happens with these guys.



"

Love kids? Love coffee? We do too. There are an estimated 143,000,000 orphans in the world and this number is expected to grow. Rob Webb, founder of Just Love Coffee Roasters, knows personally how expensive the adoption process is. The thought of having to raise tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a child is staggering to many. It can be the obstacle that stands in the way of a family’s commitment to adopt, and many times slows down the process of bringing an adoptive family’s child(ren) home. Many people don’t know where to start. Just Love Coffee Roasters wants to be that starting point for raising money to help unite families with their children."



And just to prove how official they are, you can also find them on facebook. :)

Check them out.