Just for poops and giggles

My dear, dear friend who loves to laugh just sent me these quotes (which in turn made me laugh), so I thought I'd share. Some choice words used, but funny nontheless.....


-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the
complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead
of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you
have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm
gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area
thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on
Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends
with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You
take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem.
Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem?
There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out.
Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2
trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear
is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I
will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to
spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10
second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how
to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower
first and THEN turn on the water.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is
public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun
that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Bad decisions make good stories.

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably
just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and
say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know
my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when
you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the
rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have
to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die
after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want
to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make
any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but
when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd
you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone
of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't
already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like
about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know
what time it is.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if
you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.