Hard to believe

All in one short year....












Manny-Man, we LOVE you, son. You are living proof that God gives us precious, good gifts. It's hard to imagine our family without you. We pray that your little heart will be captivated by passionate love for our Saviour, and an unrelenting fight to bring Him great glory in your life. He loves you more than we ever could!

Happy Birthday, buddy! It was such a joy watching the first year of your sweet, sweet life.

Love,
Daddy and Mommy

Intercession for the monkey

I've been worried about Isaiah's lack of desire to pray. He normally just asks us to pray for him. Sometimes (though getting more and more frequent) he prays for his food by himself.

Well. All my worries were just washed away when I heard this piece of eloquence-without-measure coming from his bathroom. The room where discipline usually takes place as well. Apparently the monkey had a hard heart.



"Jesus, help us for the monkey to pray. And Jesus, help us for the monkey to share. In Jesus' name. Amen."

God is shouting

I have been absolutely itching to write this post. I kept waiting on fully complete thoughts and well polished execution, but....well....this is what you get instead. I can't wait any longer. I'm sure it will resemble a scrambled egg with bits and pieces everywhere (and by no means exhaustive), but this is the best I can do today. :)

I feel like, rather, I KNOW God had been speaking loudly to me. Shouting. I rarely feel like this. In fact, I usually am straining to hear Him above the other racket in my heart. This season is very different, and one of the ways I know this is because He's speaking to me from all over the place. It's a theme in my life. It's everywhere! His word, friends, blogs, books, etc.

Rather than try to articulate this myself, I'm going to let others who say it better.


First, let me say that I am LOVING this book! I had no idea it would become so popular when Amazon first recommended it to me, but it makes perfect sense. It's exciting to know that God is moving many other hearts in a similar way.

Here's part of what I last read in it. It captures a lot of this theme. He had just quoted 2 Cor 8:13-15 and then says...

"Paul was asking the Corinthian believers to give to the impoverished saints in Jerusalem, the goal being that no one would have too much or too little. This is pretty far-fetched in modern-day culture, where we are taught to look out for ourselves and are thus rewarded.

The gap is so extreme in our world that we have to take lightly passages such as Luke 12:33: 'Sell your possessions and give to the poor.' How else can I walk out of a mud shack and back into my two-thousand-square-foot house without doing anything? The concept of downsizing so that others might upgrade is biblical, beautiful... and nearly unheard of. We either close the gap or don't take the words of the Bible literally.

Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously. Dare to think about your own children living in poverty without enough to eat. Dare to believe that those really are your brothers and sisters in need."

Later he says...

" Back when I was in Bible college, a professor asked our class, 'What are you doing right now that requires faith?' That question affected me deeply because at the time I could think of nothing in my life that required faith. I probably wouldn't be living very differently if I didn't believe in God; my life was neither ordered nor affected by my faith like I had assumed it was."


Yesterday, Kelly posted about this post by Thabiti Anyabwile. It should break your heart and wake you up. If it doesn't, pray that it will. Pray that it takes the full effect in your life it deserves. I'm praying that too. He gets very much at the heart of what I think God is shouting to me after he paints the tragic picture he saw in South Africa of an entire generation of people dying out because of poverty and AIDS:


"I'm looking at this scene in Africa--and it could be in most any place in the world--and I just can't justify the idea that my only task as a Christian and a preacher is to preach the gospel. I can't justify the idea that if I only preach the gospel--which I must preach and treasure and guard--then I've been faithful even if I've not served the needs around me. When you're standing this close to the naked, brazen effects of sin and depravity, you realize that Christ's work of redemption is our only hope and that we need to act in that same hope.

Today's visit to one town reveals to me the betrayal it is to claim to be gospel people and not be merciful people."


How do we make this so separate and for so long? It's tragic!!!


I'm overwhelmed and sad that I've overlooked Jesus right in front of me...hungry, thirsty, hurt, naked, homeless... It saddens me that I've cried for the poor and needy at my computer screen, and that's where it ended.

I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,
I was a stranger and you did not invite me in,
I need clothes and you did not clothe me,
I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me...

I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of
the least of these, you did not do for me.
Mt 25: 42-43, 45

Chan asks a good question:

"We see it as a fresh perspective on poverty rather than a literal picture of impending judgement. How would my life change if I actually thought of each person I came in contact with as Christ--the person driving painfully slow in front of me, the checker at the grocery store who seems more interested in chatting than ringing up my items, the member of my own family with whom I can't seem to have a conversation and not get annoyed?"


But here's the other thing.... I really believe that while yes, giving is for the other person, it's for us too! I've been missing out. Joy is promised, treasure in Heaven, but better than it all, we get Jesus. I think this is going deeper than where we've been.

I've always been passionately convinced that when you go overseas, you see parts of who God is and what He's doing that you just can't see from where you're sitting. I really do believe that. But I think the same is true for sacrificial giving. It opens up something that was closed before. God gave us Jesus. I think giving brings deeper fellowship with the greatest Giver.

So right now, I'm struggling with the fleshing it out part. Josh and I need to brainstorm, dream and rethink our budget.

We need to repent. And ask for His help. We need Him to change us.


Can't wait to keep you updated.

Little Foxes

I'm really struggling with how to be a wife and a mom. I'm not doing so good, and there's plenty of proof. We're in the thick of this, and it's hard. Maybe the hardest thing our marriage has gone through.

Today it was just Manny and me in the house so I had some quiet for awhile. What came out of that time was journaling, tears and just crying out to the Lord for help.

After time with Him, He gently led me to read this article by Barbara Rainey. Oh, the little foxes! I don't know what you think of her, but I really needed it. It's practical, but it addressed this particular issue really well. It felt like medicine I badly needed.

In fact, I read multiple articles at Family Life. Like this one called "Stressed, Exhausted and Not in the Mood," and this one called, "5 Keys to Your Man's Inner Heart," and the one about "Reviving a Dimished Sex Drive."

(and aren't you glad you asked how I was doing in that area?)

I feel like the Lord used today to refresh me and start pulling me out of this funk. I know it's going to take a lot of work (Josh and Isaiah aren't even home yet), but I needed a good friend to sit me down and say, "It's normal. You're not crazy. I understand why you're tired. But you need to put Josh first in your family. The boys will be ok."

And I think that's what He did.



BTW, if you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear if you've been there before. I don't hear folks talking about it much, but I know it would encourage me to know others are with me. :)

Free Missions book!

I just got mine in the mail the other day, and can't wait to start reading it.

I LOVE that they're doing this!

Go here and get yours too (you don't even have to pay for shipping!)

Just for poops and giggles

My dear, dear friend who loves to laugh just sent me these quotes (which in turn made me laugh), so I thought I'd share. Some choice words used, but funny nontheless.....


-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the
complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead
of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you
have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm
gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area
thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on
Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends
with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You
take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem.
Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem?
There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out.
Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2
trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear
is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I
will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to
spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10
second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how
to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower
first and THEN turn on the water.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is
public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun
that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Bad decisions make good stories.

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably
just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and
say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know
my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when
you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the
rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have
to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die
after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want
to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make
any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but
when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd
you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone
of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't
already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like
about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know
what time it is.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if
you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Isaiah-isms today...

1. Got home from work today and had to discipline Isaiah. Later Isaiah comes to me....

I: I'm sorry, Mommy.

M: I forgive you, Isaiah. I don't like to spank you.

I: I don't like to spank you either.


2. Made cookies for Dee, Stacey and Karis. Isaiah had one and then begged for sweet forever to have another one. I say no....over and over and over. Isaiah cries some more, composes himself and walks up to me with his head tilted to one side and eyebrows raised as high as they would go.

I: Well, I gueeesss, when we get to Dee and Stacey's house we can have a cookie????


Nice try.


3. Driving home from Dee and Staceys....

I open the sunroof. Isaiah protests loudly and we discuss selfishness....again. I start to unravel.

M: Well, Isaiah, when you're a grown up and have your own car with your own sunroof, you can open and close it when you want to.

I: (mumbling) Well, I am growing.

M: That's right, you are, but right now you are a little boy.

I: But I am growing and I will become a grown up and then I will be in charge. And when I grow will you be a little sad?

Seriously? He really won't let that one little emotional slip-up go.


4. Came home and made pb and jelly for dinner (it was that kind of day)...

I: I got the jelly out for you, Mom.

M: Thank you.

I: You're welcome.

(walks into the living room and gets on the couch)

I'll be riiiiiight back. I need to take a little rest.

Excuse me???

5. 2 seconds later...

I: Ok, I'm back. I got a little rest.

M: (laughing) You crack me up.

(pause...watches me cut his sandwich into little triangles)

I: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Mom, you make me laugh!

Little Girl

I'm finding myself pretty inarticulate lately. Probably because there's more going on under the surface than my mouth (or fingers) can keep up with. I've been learning a lot about myself lately. More importantly, I've been learning a lot about God.

A more recent discovery is that my heart has really gotten far away from the understanding that God loves me. It sounds so trivial, so common, so "Sunday school" to me that I even hate to write it. "Of course He loves me," I would tell myself. It became a given. Posts like this were a bit redundant to me. I heard it all the time. Something I glazed over when I read it. Something I didn't ponder. Something even boring... bouncing off my heart like a ball.

Instead, I pursued what "seasoned" Christians do (of course I would never say that or talk as if God's love for me were reduced to a 2 year olds nursery class at church in my heart. I'm "seasoned."). I read and talked about what I deemed "deep" like theology issues, social justice issues, political issues, well respected authors and pastors, strategies for reaching unreached people groups, discipleship, the state of the church in America.

(Note: I am not falling off the wagon. These things are near and dear to my heart because God put them there. But He didn't put them there to be replaced by them.)

And, perhaps, the real issue was that I used those things to make me feel close to God. I used others' opinions of me (or whatever opinions I projected on them) to gauge where I stood in my ranks with the Lord. I watched what other believers did, read, talked about, and kinda decided that must be the standard for folks who are really passionate about the Lord. I'm still really struggling with this, so you're getting it pretty raw today.

I've known the Lord was uprooting some trends in my heart and mind when Josh and I left the Advance '09 conference, but God really used my interaction with Isaiah the other day to drive home what He wanted to say to me.

You can read the post below to know what I'm talking about. That pure, sweet, beautiful moment with him was more than just a Mommy loving her son. It was a Mommy who has forgotten that she's really a little girl. A little girl who had forgotten her Daddy wants to hold her. I had really, really forgotten that. He wouldn't let me forget Isaiah's little voice. It kept coming back to my mind over and over again..."Ok Mommy. But can you hold me?"

It finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I -- the one who feels so responsible for things happening around me all the time, who takes care of 2 little boys, who is a wife, who lives out on her own, who's turning 30, who teaches kids music, who talks to her friends about strollers and toddler personalities and what's for dinner -- I'm little.

(You are too, by the way)

I'm a little girl to Someone who longs to scoop me up and hold me like I'm almost 3 again. He wants me to be little....to need Him. He wants me to hold my arms up and half crawl into His lap waiting to be picked up like Isaiah does. He doesn't want me to not need Him, if that were possible...to think I've outgrown Him. It's crazy for me to think that this Daddy wants me to look up and say, "Ok Daddy. But can you hold me?" I can't remember the last time I felt that way about Him. It's amazing to feel little sometimes.

So yeah, there's been a lot of emotions floating around here lately. But it's been almost like once I got to that place...being little again, asking Him to hold me...we could finally get to work on the roots of all kinds of things. Lies that have sunk their roots deep. I hear Him speaking to those one by one. I don't feel alone in the process, though it's, like everything else, a daily struggle.

It was funny because I'm reading "Crazy Love" with my friend Corey, and I had read the chapter we met to discuss about a month prior. When we got together to discuss it the other night, I was revisiting what I had underlined and here's part of what it said:


"Thankfully, my relationship with God took a major turn when I became a father myself. After my oldest daughter was born, I began to see how wrong I was in my thinking about God. For the first time I got a taste of what I believe God feels toward us. I thought about my daughter often. I prayed for her while she slept at night. I showed her picture to anyone who would look. I wanted to give her the world.

Sometimes when I come home from work, my little girl greets me by running out to the driveway and jumping into my arms before I can even get out of the car. As you can imagine, driving home is one of my favorite moments of the day.

My own love and desire for my kids' love is so strong that it opened my eyes to how much God desires and loves us. My daughter's expression of love for me and her desire to be with me is the most amazing thing. Nothing compares to being truly, exuberantly wanted by your children.

Through this experience, I came to understand that my desire for my children is only a faint echo of God's great love for me and for every person He made. I am just an earthly, sinful father, and I love my kids so much it hurts. How could I not trust a heavenly, perfect Father who loves me infinitely more than I will ever love my kids?"

Still my little boy

Tonight, I was getting Isaiah ready for bed and explaining that when he wakes up in the morning he would be 3. I knew what would happen next because it's been building for at least a week now.

I started talking (through tears) about how it makes me a little sad when he gets older because he used to be my little baby and sometimes I miss that. He stared into my eyes very intently and said, "Mom, does it make you sad when I get taller? You're gonna be sad because I'm growing?"

I said yes, but that I was also very happy that he would be 3 and that he is growing. It's just that he was a baby one time and could fit in my arms and one day he wouldn't fit anymore.

He said, "Ok, Mom. But can you hold me?" And I scooped his little body up in my arms and tried not to let him hear me cry. I love that kid.




***While I was typing the beginning of this he was watching the screen and said, "Mom, can you do an "O"?" I wasn't even really listening when he piped up, "Oh thank you, Mommy for doing an "O"!" :)

Gettin' all misty and stuff....

Been thinking about this post a lot lately. What a beautiful gift to our family.

Just Love Coffee Roasters

Saw the words "coffee" and "adoption" together and joy inexpressible descended upon my soul.

It was at least something like that. Can't wait to see what happens with these guys.



"

Love kids? Love coffee? We do too. There are an estimated 143,000,000 orphans in the world and this number is expected to grow. Rob Webb, founder of Just Love Coffee Roasters, knows personally how expensive the adoption process is. The thought of having to raise tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a child is staggering to many. It can be the obstacle that stands in the way of a family’s commitment to adopt, and many times slows down the process of bringing an adoptive family’s child(ren) home. Many people don’t know where to start. Just Love Coffee Roasters wants to be that starting point for raising money to help unite families with their children."



And just to prove how official they are, you can also find them on facebook. :)

Check them out.

Am I normal?

That question runs through my head multiple times a day, and, depending on the situation, it may or may not be valid, but today I think it is.

I am TIRED.

I don't know what the deal is, but I feel like I hit a wall at lunch time most days and just never quite recover. I'm sluggish and I don't want to get off the couch. I don't necessarily feel sleepy (though sometimes I do). Just exhausted. The idea of running one single errand makes me want to put on pajamas and quit the day.

I'm asking because I feel like most of the moms I know, many of whom have a lot more kids, have WAY more energy than me. I don't think my boys are necessarily any more work than normal toddlers and babies....they're just A LOT of work like the rest of them.

I just keep wondering if it's my body, my season of life or if I'm just plain lazy.

I do have an underactive thyroid, and my last lab check up a few weeks ago revealed a pretty elevated TSH number. But I've been on a higher dosage of my medicine for awhile, and I take really good vitamins. I haven't been exercising consistently because the idea of expending energy is daunting to me right now....I know I should anyway...blah blah blah.

I just don't think I should feel like this so I thought I'd ask you. :)

One year ago today

A sweet friend just left my house, and we were talking about God providing. She's really wanting to trust the Lord with circumstances in her life right now, so we were looking up verses that deal with that.

I decided to flip through my 2008 journal (The Year of Never-Ending Financial Turmoil) and found this entry. I almost didn't catch the date....July 16, 2008.

"Lord, I know You already know my heart fully, but I am so overwhelmed right now. Here's the short list:

--selling house
--buying house
--getting enough $ for our house
--saving enough $ for next house
--should we even buy another house?
--move to another city?
--being somewhat settled in time for baby #2
--having $ to live on through the summer
--having $ for my maternity leave
--living radically
--paying off debt
--doing Total Money Makeover
--staying or leaving Crossway
--overall vision for how we want to live in order to bring You glory
--discerning Your will and calling
--feeling like my heart should be somewhere it's not

I know I'm not trusting You. I know You're in control and will take care of us, but that's all in my head -- my heart's not following...."


It is SO GOOD for me to see this! Obviously, some things on the list will always be things that are a work in progress. But I was so overwhelmed! So burdened! So heavy! I remember feeling like that A LOT last summer. What a gift to be able to look back and see how God provided for literally amost EVERY single thing on that list!

Our house questions were answered....and we're fine! We made it through the summer. We had money for me to not work for the full 12 weeks of my maternity leave. Everything was ready for Manny's arrival....above and beyond what I expected. We've paid off almost all of our debt. The Lord has provided another wonderful church. He's showing us more and more about living out our calling for today...not always knowing about tomorrow. He's refining us. He's changing us. He has wonderfully provided all things for us.

I didn't expect to run across that tonight. Thank You, Father, for reminding me of how You've cared for me SO, SO MUCH...even in just a year's time. How quickly I forget.


"then take care lest you forget you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by His name you shall swear." --Deut 6:12-13

Manny outtakes

I had a little photo shoot with the boys today... aaaaand at some point we hit a little rough patch.

Cilantro-Mint Mojitos, anyone?

Square foot gardening update...

We planted a little 4x4 box and filled it with basil, cilantro, mint and oregano; green, red and yellow peppers; big tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, marigolds and are even trying our luck with a cantelope vine (which does not look promising).

As predicted though, I started off strong, going by the book, and then just sorta planted wherever it looked good to me. I didn't pay a lot of heed to the kind of space each plant would need. That being said, it's turned out ok. Tomatoes definitely need more space, but they're producing. The cucumbers are growing really well up the fence.

But the mint and cilantro....

are out of control. I had no idea mint would put off shoots like that! I've had to dig them up to keep them out of nearby plants.

And here's the real question: other than garnishing drinks and making mojitos, WHAT IN THE WORLD do you do with all of it???

Are you supposed to let cilantro flower? Does the coriander always turn back into cilantro? I'm still confused about all that. Oh yeah, and WHAT IN THE WORLD do you do with all of it???

(please let me know if you would like some)


And this yellow pepper (please excuse the blur)? Why isn't it yellow? In fact, why are all of my peppers green? Is it true that the longer they stay on the vine the more they will change colors? So, we're paying $3 a pop at the store for a pepper that just hung out in the sun longer?


Big Hoss...

And my faithful gardening companion...

A LARGE amount of pictures from the month of June

I just can't help but chuckle when I see this little face

Pretty sure bringing the wagon was a FANTASTIC
idea. They loved it!

This was happening pretty much every time all the cousins
were together

The Hartness family is happy at the beach :)

Pretty sure this will copied, scrapbooked or framed at some point.

Not sure which one of us took this one, but can you
tell we're wanna-be's?

Sooo easy on my eyes :)

What is required for 8 adults and 5 children to enjoy at
day at the beach
(and no, we don't make Isaiah pull it)

Doing boy things together

Very cautiously eyeing the catch and looking to see
who will be brave enough to get the closest

The unfortunate crab, caught for 24 hours of observation and much taunting.

I just LOVE this picture...they have such fun together.

Toddler yak

So, the other day we had an unfortunate incident in which I heavily insisted that Isaiah take his vitamins, erroneously thinking that he had enough on his stomach.

It did not go well.


Then last night we were rehashing the whole thing and it went something like this:



Josh: Yeah, we want to make sure you eat enough this time so you don't yak all over the couch again.

Isaiah: Yeah, sometimes Mommy wants me to yak in a little bag.


(I thought it was funny :) )

Hypothetically speaking...

If a certain daughter (who's got a bit of a rebellious streak) of a certain mom who fanatically ADORES anything Jane Austen were to, in a temporary lapse, decide to actually try this Jane Austen person just to see what the fuss is for, what would you recommend to this made-up, non-fan of 1,586 page books?

I will relay the information to this imaginary girl who may or may not consider reading it.

Crazy Love

So, I've posted a lot on books lately. What can I say? They're GOOD books!!!

I got "Crazy Love" in the other day by Francis Chan and I am LOVING it. I'll admit it. I'm a little ADD and it's hard to keep my attention. I'm not an avid reader. I'm not even naturally a reader at all...just not my gig. Never been accused of being a book worm a day in my life. But it's a goal of mine to read more (good stuff. not fluffy garbage.) and watch less and less tv...I've experienced the effects of this over and over and it's turned my heart toward the Lord, churned up desires to live radically, opened my eyes to the hurting that I can't see from my suburban neighborhood, shown me parts of the world I've never been to but long to see, shaped and formed my views about who God is, taught me truth. The list keeps going.

So...here are a few quotes from the first chapter that I thought you would enjoy. Especially those of you who are hard pressed to find time to read (or the attention span) and would rather skim a few lines before committing to the whole book. And, by the way, I REALLY hope some of you will end up reading it.

Preface:

I believe He wants us to love others so much that we go to extremes to help them. I believe He wants us to be known for our giving -- of our time, our money and our abilities -- and to start a movement of "giving" churches. In so doing, we can alleviate the suffering in the world and change the reputation of His bride in America.


Chapter 1: Stop Praying

Solomon warned us not to rush into God's presence with words. That's what fools do. And often, that's what we do... The wise man comes to God without saying a word and stands in awe of Him.

R. C. Sproul writes, "Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God."

Why would God create more than 350,000,000,000 galaxies (and that is a conservative estimate) that generations of people never saw or even knew existed?...

Have you ever thought about how diverse and creative God is? He didn't have to make hundreds of different kinds of bananas, but He did. He didn't have to put 3,000 different species of trees in one square mile in the Amazon jungle, but He did. God didn't have to create so many kinds of laughter. Think about the different sounds of your friends' laughs -- wheezes, snorts, silent, loud, obnoxious.... How about the way plants defy gravity... Or did you know that spiders produce 3 kinds of silk...

Whatever God's reasons for such diversity, creativity, and sophistication in the universe, on earth, and in our own bodies, the point of it all is His glory. God's art speaks of Himself, reflecting who He is and what He is like.

Most of us know that we are supposed to love and fear God; that we are supposed to read our Bibles and pray so that we can get to know Him better; that we are supposed to worship Him with our lives. But actually living it out is challenging.

A. W. Tozer writes, "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us..."

God is Holy

His perfect holiness, by definition, assures us that our words can't contain Him. Isn't it a comfort to worship a God we cannot exaggerate?

God is eternal
Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending.

If my mind were the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air/food/sleep-dependent lives.

God is all-powerful

Colossians 1:16 tells us that everything was created for God: "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." Don't we live instead as though God is created for us, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones?

Psalm 115:3 reveals, "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him." Yet we keep on questioning Him: "Why did You make me with this body, instead of that one?" "Why are so many people dying of starvation?" "Why are there so many planets with nothing living on them?" "Why is my family so messed up?" "Why don't You make Yourself more obvious to the people who need You?" The answers to these questions is simply this: because He's God. He has more of a right to ask us why so many people are starving. As much as we want God to explain Himself to us, His creation, we are in no place to demand that He give an account to us.

Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?

Before the Throne

But many facets of God expand beyond our comprehension. He cannot be contained in this world, explained by our vocabulary, or grasped by our understanding. Yet in Revelation 4 and Isaiah 6 we get two distinct glimpses of the heavenly throne room... This sort of poetic, artistic imagery can be difficult for those of us who don't think that way. So imagine the most stunning sunset you've ever seen. Remember the radiant colors splashed across the sky? The way you stopped to gaze at it in awe? And how the words wow and beautiful seemed so lacking? That's a small bit of what John is talking about in Revelation 4 as he attempts to articulate his vision of heaven's throne room.


Perhaps you need to take a deep breath after thinking about the God who made the galaxies and caterpillars, the One who sits enthroned and eternally praised by beings so fascinating that were they photographed, it would make primetime news for weeks.

The appropriate way to end this chapter is the same way we began it -- by standing in awed silence before a mighty, fearsome God, whose tremendous worth becomes more apparent as we see our own puny selves in comparison.

Scared

It's 1:14 am and I am too moved to not write anything. I've cried and asked God some old questions of mine that keep getting repeated, but this post has no answers (not that you come here for those). My heart has just been stirred and twisted and poured into and wrung out. Not sure what to do with that yet, but I don't have to have it all figured out, right?

I just finished reading "Scared." It was a free pdf book I downloaded a couple of days ago after seeing a promising blog write up on it. The post said that it was about a man who travels to Africa and is forced to confront many of his fears (along with hard questions about God's character). I can relate and wanted some good summer reading, but had no idea I would feel completely transported to Swaziland, face to face with the horrific and profoundly beautiful. The images were so sharp and clear they nearly jumped out at me from my screen. I fell in love with people...especially one. I want to be like her. I want her heart. She, in her pure and undefiled religion, was a gift I wasn't expecting.

This easy read was, by no means, time wasted. It follows a theme the Lord is working in my heart right now, and seems to fit in beautifully like a shiny thread in a tapestry masterpiece. I can't wait to see what He does.

I hope some of you read it. Here's one of the many excerpts that got my attention (and there are many, many more):



" But Pastor Walter kept speaking these things. Often he would get all excited and start yelling at us, telling what would happen when the kingdom of God came. I started to get tired of waiting for it.
One day, that changed. Pastor Walter was in front of the church speaking, getting all excited. I could see his spit fly out toward the people in the front row. He talked about the true power of a Christian. Power to pray for things and receive them, the power of faith “calling forth things that are not as though they were.” I asked someone about this, and they told me you can pray to God for something you want and He will deliver it. They said it worked for the Americans.
After church, everyone got up to leave except for one person. A little boy I have known since I was a baby remained alone, still lying next to the wall. Everyone thought he was asleep. His momma had died from the bad disease, so she was not around to wake him up. He had no one else to look out for him. Pastor Walter tried to wake him. Pastor Walter’s voice made me stop and turn to look:
“Hey, boy! It’s time to go now. A church is no place to sleep!Boy, do you hear me? What’s the matter with you, sleeping in God’s house like this?”
He walked over to the dusty corner. The wind blew, dirt swirled, and a few leaves rested on his clothes. I can still hear the echoes of his black dress shoes stomp on the cement floor.
“I told you it’s time to go home!”
He kicked at him gently with his foot, but the little boy wouldn’t wake up. So Pastor Walter started dragging him by the shirt toward the door. This wouldn’t have been too hard to do—Tlonge was so skinny. He was also completely filthy; he didn’t own a pair of shoes, and his clothes were nothing more than used rags. My memory of his clothes and face are so clear even now.
Pastor Walter reached down with both hands to pick him up and escort him out the door. But then he froze. It must have been the touch of Tlonge’s skin that did it. Cold, clammy, like the outside of a banana skin. I know because I hugged him after everyone left.
“Tlonge? Tlonge? Wake up, boy, Oh dear Jesus!”
Walter began to cry, slowly at first. He touched Tlonge, more tenderly now, feeling his neck and the side of his face. His sobs turned into gasping heaves as he caressed Tlonge in his arms and held him close to his chest. Pastor Walter cried like I have never seen a man cry in my life. It filled the whole church and poured out into the streets.
From that day, Walter was a different man..."

You may not want to read this...

...because I'm pretty sure it's an over-share, but just in case you've ever sat down to pee and thought all was well until you discovered you were sitting on the back of your skirt the whole time, you're not alone.

The Awe Factor

I was just reading the review of a book Amazon recommended for me when I logged in. It's called "Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God" by Francis Chan. I don't normally take Amazon at it's word and I don't know much about Francis Chan, but this book has already caused me to worship (thank you, LOOK INSIDE! feature).

I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws here, but I just wanted to share this with you. In the first chapter, Chan tells you to go to this site and watch the video called "The Awe Factor of God"(it's short and amazing).

This is what he writes after that... I read to the top of page 24 and I think those couple of pages sold me. It's good (and even restful and freeing!) to know we're insignificant in light of who our God is.


"Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God." -- R.C. Sproul

Advance part 2...

I haven't taken this many notes since college. This is a very condensed version and nothing compares to hearing it yourself. These are just the highlights of what I was able to write down. Some things I just couldn't get on paper...sometimes those are the most impactful.

After Driscoll spoke, Piper started his 2 part talk on Let the Nations Be Glad. This was the clincher for getting Josh and I to register for the conference. That particular topic is one, as you know, we are really passionate about because we believe God is really passionate about it. He's God of the NATIONS! Ok...I'll let Piper preach now.


"You're not Biblically missional unless you pursue missions... This is war time, not peace time. The stakes are eternal... To belong to Jesus is to embrace the nations He will one day reign in. If you do not embrace this there will be a mild or severe sickness in your soul... 'Let your kingdom come' = as long as history and as big as the globe. If your heart only lands on your city, you're getting sick. Your heart is the healthiest and strongest when it embraces His global purpose and not just His local purpose... [also talked about how your leg is made to walk. When it isn't used, it gets small and sick.]

As of today, there are 6,552 unreached people groups. The thought that us rich, fat, hungry, lazy Americans should just send our money is tragic!...

What is the Biblical task of missions? The main aim is not to maximize the number of people saved. If that were true, you'd stay at the most fruitful mission field forever and never go to the hard places... You keep crossing the boundaries into places where there's zero missional activity until there is!...

Jesus: 'I learned your language, I lived your culture and I died to bring the gospel to you. Go do the same. Find them and die to get the gospel in there!"...

The gospel doesn't camp out. It goes and goes and moves and moves until they've all heard...

If you believe in being missional biblically, you must find the people in your congregation who burn for this and set them free!...

Missions is not being invited! If somebody has invited you, it's not missions!...

Rome was not a mission field for Paul because there was a good church there. He was going to Spain because there was nothing!

Is missions necessary? Are people perishing? Is Christ's work necessary to save them?... Yes!... When you lose sight of this, urgency dies... Mk 9:43 -- "the fire of hell is not quenched"... Mt 18:8 -- 'eternal fire'... Mt 25:46 -- 'eternal punishment'... Rev 14:11 -- 'the smoke of their torment went up forever and ever'... Horrific. People perish. There's such a place as hell. They will suffer consciously forever...

Rom 2:12 -- when God sent Jesus, He started treating the world differently. Now He says Go! He didn't say that to Isaiah. Christ changed things!... We are no longer in a time of ignorance... The command of a global impact and mission came with Jesus. He brought the world out of ignorance...

All truly biblically missional people have this aim...the people's of the world... "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news."

Part 2...


"Missions is not the ultimate goal. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn't. Missions is not the goal; it's the means...

Worship is the goal and fuel of missions. You can't call people to worship if you don't worship...

God is radically, passionately committed to the worship of His name... He forgives sin...for His own sake!...

God's ultimate goal for me - to see His glory... The main motive for missions is God's passion for God! This offends some...

The apex of His passion to display His glory is the cross. We are to praise the glory of His grace! This was infinitely costly! He did not spare His own Son...

We were made for something bigger - God. He is where our completion is. He brings us home to joy...to infinite happiness!... This is what makes His passion for Himself love... Ex: standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Being so little and small and weak in the Canyon, yet happy in our enjoyment and awe and admiration of it...

John 11:1-6 - Jesus loved Mary, Martha and Lazarus...therefore, He stayed two days longer where He was!... And let Lazarus die! Explain how that's love. He loved them and therefore didn't keep Lazarus from dying... It is more loving to let us die and see His glory than to live!... He just IS...glorious, wonderful, kind, loving...and then He overflows...


Prayer is not the goal of missions. Prayer is not the work of missions... Seed=word of God=power of God... Believing comes by hearing - you don't hear prayer. You hear preaching!... The gospel is the front-line work of missions... Don't make prayer more than it is. Let it be what it gloriously is...

Prayer is tapping into the power that wields the sword of the Word... Life is war. You cannot know what prayer is for until you know that life is war. If you think life is not war, you probably won't finish!

Jn 15:16 - Prayer is for mission! Prayer malfunctions when you take a war-time walkie talkie and turn it into a domestic intercom. Prayer is for WAR. It's meant to empower the Word of God.

If we know God is sovereign, why do we pray? If you want the nail in the board, hit it with a hammer! Prayer is the hammer...that's how God ordained it to work!... Mt 24:14 - pray everyday 'Thy kingdom come!' Why? Because it's coming through prayer!... God has made prayer a means of His kingdom's coming!

It is so thoughtless to presume that because He has already ordained it to happen He won't use the means to do it...

He doesn't need people! He blesses people with causality! Don't let your theology get in the way of the bible!...

Cost: we need to toughen up a little bit... Eternity's at stake, the enemy hates us, he's 10,000 times stronger, he doesn't go on vacation... War has casualties... you die, but you live.

Why suffering is necessary: 1) Because Jesus suffered and said we would. 2) Because Paul said there's no other way home. 3) Peter said it's the normal path of blessing. 4) Paul said it's the normal cost of godliness - you can't do missions if you're not. 5) Because in suffering, He's refining our faith. Paul rejoiced in his suffering. 2 Cor 12:9 - 'My power is made perfect in weakness... Most gladly will I rejoice in my weakness'.. His joy has moved from his private comforts into the glory of Jesus! 6) Jesus said, 'You are the salt of the earth...light of the world'...let your light shine..see...give glory to God. Blessed are you when you are persecuted, reviled...rejoice! Great is your reward... What makes you salty? Joy in the midst of suffering...it's costing you something and you're not losing your joy...

Jesus is the foundation of all this work... It will cost you everything!... Pursue the gladness of the nations. Especially the ones who are not yet reached."
--Piper, Bethlehem Baptist, Minneapolis

Advance...

I have so much to do right now that I really shouldn't be blogging, but I just can't get this stuff out of my head and I think writing some of it down will help. Thanks for indulging me :)

So, this past weekend Josh and I went to Advance 09 in Durham and stayed with my dear friend Meghann in Raleigh. It was....I don't even know.....overwhelming? stirring? very convicting? very revealing? worshipful? heart piercing? haunting? possibly direction-altering? All of those.

Just very, very good.

I don't think you can listen to Driscoll and Piper right after the other and not have the fear of God burned into your soul as you sink further and further down into your seat. That's what happened to me anyway.

So here are some of my favorite quotes from the weekend and here is the link to hear them yourself (just scroll down...I didn't see Saturday's messages up yet).

It's more than worth it.



"3 fold problem with the church: 1) Like the church of Ephesus, Jesus is no longer our first love. We have taken our eyes off of Him. Even purity of doctrine has become primary over Jesus. Wherever there's decline in the church it's because Jesus is no long our first love. 2) We've taken our eyes off the Great Commission...Have we forgotten that we're in a battle for eternity? 3) The toxic nature of our churches....The answer: long-term, active repentance."
-- Tyler Jones, Vintage21 church, Raleigh.

"What is the only reason sin has any power in my life? Because I love it. What will overcome it? A surpassing love."
--Bryan Chapell, Covenant Theological

"You need to get over your man-crush on Driscoll in Seattle and love the people God has given you!"
-- Ed Stetzer, Lifeway

"Religious people love recognition...this is not rejoicing in what God is doing in other places. 'Thy' kingdom come becomes 'My' kingdom come....Religious people elevate traditions over a love for God...secondary things....Anytime we lead people to consider what they need to do instead of what God does for them - we've preached a false gospel."
-- JD Greear, Summit, Raleigh

(From Eph 3:20) "'Able' means 'power.' Not just talking about God having power...He IS power. He is the source. He's not like batteries that need to be changed and recharged. He empowers and recharges Himself with Himself!...He's fly!...

We've made 'total depravity' an idol. False humility still keeps the focus on you! Confession is necessary, but can go to the extreme of focusing on us and puffing ourselves up instead of focusing on Him....

We have pipe dreams because we're not gospel or Jesus-centered. Many times we wish for a context for something the gospel hasn't done in us yet. We need in depth passion to see God bridge the gap between where we are and where we should be...not US bridging the gap! Not with our feet on top of the city or community!...Show HIM off!
--Eric Mason, Epiphany Fellowship, Philadelphia

"We are always worshiping. The opposite of Biblical worship is idolatry. You become like what you worship. Idolatry is living for the glory of creation...we take good things, make them god-things, making it a bad thing....

The lies: 1) They present themselves to you as a savior. Ex: woman who wants to be a mom... then turns a baby into a savior of her motherless hell. Ex: singleness....the man or woman become a savior. 2) They tell you it can mediate between you and God. Ex: the pastor... some would rather talk to him than the Lord because he's the mediator. Some pastors love being the idol....the church does not mediate; the pastor does not mediate. 3) They give you identity..define who you are. Ex: identifying more with the title of pastor, mother, etc than Christ. There's war when you remove a title because when you remove their identity, you remove their idol. 4) They tell you they will make you righteous. Ex: marriage, children, appearance, wealth, success, career, religious performance, political position, hobby, pleasure, status, health, etc....

What are you most fearful of losing? What is your treasure? What do you make sacrifices for? Where does your time and money go? What do you make emotional sacrifices for?

We don't have sex, money, drug, power, prestige problems. We have an idolatry issue.

If you idolize, you also demonize. Ex: if you idolize reformed theology you demonize Armenian theology. I demonize whoever disagrees with me.... [If I idolize Piper, I demonize those who disagree with him.]

Idol of money: 'Yes! I hate that prosperity gospel!'..and your idol is a poverty gospel. You are just as much an idolater... Idol of family: Evangelicals are blind to this. It's a relationship that should give endless fulfillment, joy, legacy, etc. That's supposed to be Jesus... Idol of sex/sexuality: Being allowed to disobey continually is the evidence of the wrath of God. The bed is an alter and we become idolaters, offering our bodies as sacrifices to the idol. Porn is a worship issue. If you lust in your heart you have already become an idolater... Idol of substance: People who eat too much don't have an eating problem. They have a worship problem... Comfort food: didn't Jesus say He would send the Comforter?...

All of these things say that we are looking for a functional savior....give me comfort, give me energy, take away my stress, make me feel good...

What do we do? Repent. Repentance is not what we preach. It's what we practice. Whoever does not repent is a heretic. Some of you are heretics."
[and in true Driscoll-fashion, he simply grabbed his Bible and walked off the stage.]
--Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Church, Seattle


***I had more to write than I realized. I'll finish in another post soon.

Baby got Book

Maybe I should have memorized this version in the 8th grade.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4


I like em real thick and red-lettered.

Feed the Forgotten

After reading this over at Shawnda's I just couldn't not post this. I'm the first to tell you that I don't give like I should...but my gosh, I'm truly among the richest in the world! I can feed my family....at every single meal...all of them. So, this got me. I hope it gets you too.

Please.... I'm praying that you will....

Read it. Pray. Respond.