Josh and I just recently joined a date night rotation at our church where each couple in the group takes turns watching all the kids for an evening so we all can get about 3 date nights a month with free babysitting....what a beautiful thing! We are really excited about it, even though our group has been battling the stomach bug the last couple of weeks making it a slow start.
Anyway... so, we've been thinking about date nights a lot lately, but probably even more about fellowship with each other. Our couples small group has been talking about what is true fellowship and the one question that really stuck out to me was whether or not we are experiencing that fellowship in our marriage.
If I'm honest, I would say that hasn't come nearly as naturally as I thought it would before I was married. I thought, "I fellowship with God, he fellowships with God, we'll just do it together." Not so much the case for us. And having a small child has made it even more difficult...there is a lot more tiredness, distraction and scattered thoughts and a lot less intentional conversations, prayer together, even complete sentences. We miscommunicate a lot. We default to lazy recreation a lot. We have a lot to grow in.
So, my prayer is that this carved out time each week to be together for the sole purpose of being together will lead to fellowship. I easily fall into just wanting to get out of the house and "doing something fun" which, in my mind, doesn't involve formal, sit down conversation and I'm beginning to clearly see how much we need that. I even spoke with a dear friend today about how big of a role fellowship plays in her marriage...with big rewards and consequences on either side of it. And I know that this fellowship is my husband's heart for us.
All of these rambling thoughts led me to Covenant Life's "Family Room" blog which is chock full of great posts and resources along with some fantastic questions for each other to go deeper in connecting to the heart (click the Date Night link on the right). I will pass these along to Josh (as I clearly have more time to roam the internet) and maybe they'll inspire some good conversations on your marriage too!
Here's just a small sample of what was there. These are questions from Paul Tripp:
What things did you see in [me] that made you want to marry [me]?
What were your goals for [our] marriage when [we] were engaged?
What things in [our] marriage make you sad?
What things in [our] marriage make you happy?
If you could press a button and change [our] marriage, how would it change?
In what ways do you think God is honored by [our] marriage?
How would you characterize [our communication]?
Describe how [we] arrive at decisions.
Describe how [we] resolve conflicts.
How would you describe [our] spiritual life as a couple?
Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages?
In what ways have we struggled as a couple? Why?
What do you see as the strengths of [our] marriage?
What do you see as the weaknesses of [our] marriage?
What do you think [we] need to do as a couple to get from where [we] are to where [we] need to be?
Describe the marriage of your dreams.
What could [I] do to greatly change [our] marriage?
What problems in [our] marriage do you see as your responsibility?
What do you think God is doing in [our] marriage right now?
What are some obstacles that may keep [us] from solving . . . problems?
Describe how [our] marriage has changed over the years.
When you are hurt or angry with [me], what do you do?
How do you communicate dissatisfaction to [me]?
Anyway... so, we've been thinking about date nights a lot lately, but probably even more about fellowship with each other. Our couples small group has been talking about what is true fellowship and the one question that really stuck out to me was whether or not we are experiencing that fellowship in our marriage.
If I'm honest, I would say that hasn't come nearly as naturally as I thought it would before I was married. I thought, "I fellowship with God, he fellowships with God, we'll just do it together." Not so much the case for us. And having a small child has made it even more difficult...there is a lot more tiredness, distraction and scattered thoughts and a lot less intentional conversations, prayer together, even complete sentences. We miscommunicate a lot. We default to lazy recreation a lot. We have a lot to grow in.
So, my prayer is that this carved out time each week to be together for the sole purpose of being together will lead to fellowship. I easily fall into just wanting to get out of the house and "doing something fun" which, in my mind, doesn't involve formal, sit down conversation and I'm beginning to clearly see how much we need that. I even spoke with a dear friend today about how big of a role fellowship plays in her marriage...with big rewards and consequences on either side of it. And I know that this fellowship is my husband's heart for us.
All of these rambling thoughts led me to Covenant Life's "Family Room" blog which is chock full of great posts and resources along with some fantastic questions for each other to go deeper in connecting to the heart (click the Date Night link on the right). I will pass these along to Josh (as I clearly have more time to roam the internet) and maybe they'll inspire some good conversations on your marriage too!
Here's just a small sample of what was there. These are questions from Paul Tripp:
What things did you see in [me] that made you want to marry [me]?
What were your goals for [our] marriage when [we] were engaged?
What things in [our] marriage make you sad?
What things in [our] marriage make you happy?
If you could press a button and change [our] marriage, how would it change?
In what ways do you think God is honored by [our] marriage?
How would you characterize [our communication]?
Describe how [we] arrive at decisions.
Describe how [we] resolve conflicts.
How would you describe [our] spiritual life as a couple?
Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages?
In what ways have we struggled as a couple? Why?
What do you see as the strengths of [our] marriage?
What do you see as the weaknesses of [our] marriage?
What do you think [we] need to do as a couple to get from where [we] are to where [we] need to be?
Describe the marriage of your dreams.
What could [I] do to greatly change [our] marriage?
What problems in [our] marriage do you see as your responsibility?
What do you think God is doing in [our] marriage right now?
What are some obstacles that may keep [us] from solving . . . problems?
Describe how [our] marriage has changed over the years.
When you are hurt or angry with [me], what do you do?
How do you communicate dissatisfaction to [me]?
1 comments:
Great post, Dana. I so appreciate your honesty & humilty. I believe that the Lord will really bless your & Josh on your date nights- especially as you are purposeful to pursue fellowship with each other!
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